Downs and Ups

So Edward hasn't progressed much in his feeding the last few days. Why? He's been too sleepy. Why? He's having to working harder to breath again. It's so hard to watch his little body shake and his head bob with each breath he takes. It's hard. I desperately want my baby to be happy and healthy, and able to come home soon. The doctor with whom we discussed Edward's progress is gone for a week, so I don't know if this will affect the timeline for his homecoming. I truly hope not, but if it does, well, Heavenly Father knows what He's doing, as hard as it sometimes is to accept. On a happier note, he's grown so much! He's gone from this

to this

to this

to this!

Did I mention he weighs over 10 pounds now?

Life in the NICU is truly a roller coaster.

Joyful Anticipation

Four days into 2013, and I am thrilled. My family has been kept apart, scattered to the four winds, as it were, since last September. At 26 weeks pregnant with my second child, I was put on hospital bed rest in another state because my fluid had ruptured. My husband and son could only visit rarely, and though I did my best to keep the baby in until 34 weeks, at 28 weeks and 4 days, he decided to make his debut.

Since that time, I've been down here with Edward in the NICU, and my husband up at home working and going to school, and Vance has spent most of his time with his grandparents. They visit when they can, but it's been so, so hard.

The new year brings change, though, and Edward is doing better and better each day. The last task he needs to complete to come home is learning to eat independently. He's getting there. Barring an unforeseen complication like an infection, Edward is expected to be home by the end of January at the latest. I am overjoyed! I am so excited to have my family together again!

Though this change is wonderful, I know it is not all that this year will bring. Though I cannot control everything, I am determined to make the changes in my home positive ones. This year, I am committing to making our home life simple, harmonious, and beautiful. It won't happen overnight; I'm not perfect, and I have much to work on. The only person I can change is myself. Still, as the mother goes, so goes the home, so I will do all in my power to give my family the peace they deserve. There are little changes I can make now, such as making sure I get enough sleep by going to bed at a decent hour and focusing on living in the moment, changes that I need not be home to implement. I'll start with those and expand my goals when at last we are home again. Motherhood is what you make of it, and I want to make it the best I can. I love my husband and sons with all my heart, and I cannot wait to live this year with them.