Playing Catch Up

This poor blog has been greatly neglected these past few months. Not because I've had nothing to write about - indeed, life has been very full. Rather, it's due to poor time management skills. With so much going on, I kept meaning to write about it, but there was always something else that needed doing when I though of it, whether it be hungry and/or tired children needing food and/or soothing, to a beautiful day that just cried out for reading, to plain old down time for myself in those rare moments of quiet. Now that things are settling into a better rhythm, however, I want to make more of an effort to blog regularly. So this is the great catch up post.

Part 1 - Learning to Eat, Learning to Sleep.

The first big thing that distracted me from blogging was Edward's feeding habits. When I last blogged, he was still getting most of his calories from the NG tube, having started to fight the bottle again right after we got him home from the NICU. He refused to even consider nursing. Attempts to feed him didn't go well, because whenever I tried, his older brother was right there, trying to climb over him into my lap and demand his fair share of attention. I can hardly blame him, but trying to get Edward to eat at that point required all of my focus. After a few minutes of Edward and I getting more and more frustrated, and Vance getting more and more demanding, I would just give up and use the NG tube. Something had to give.

I am very, very blessed to have such a wonderful, supportive family. We were able to make arangments with my dear Mom and Dad-in law for Vance to stay with them for a few days so we could focus on Edward eating. It was slow going, with the first couple of days being extremely frustrating, but by the third day, he was starting to show a lot more interest in the process, and eagerly participating in his feedings again. By the fifth day, we were comfortable enough that Vance was able to come home, because Edward no longer required such intense concentration to feed. Around this time, Edward also started to breathe a bit more easily, and we were able to finally wean him all the way off of his oxygen. We went ahead and removed the NG tube, as Edward was able to get all of the calories he needed with his bottle.

It was rough at first, because feeding him still took most of the day. He was on a slow flow nipple to prevent aspiration, since he was still working so hard to breathe. Two weeks after we pulled the NG tube, we were able to get him in for a barium swallow test, where they found out that not only did he not aspirate with a regular flow nipple, but he could eat much more easily.

I no longer had to spend all of my time feeding him, but we were still exhausted. When Edward came home, being in a dark, quiet room combined with the magic of not-having-to-wake-up-to-eat-in-the-night-because-of-the-NG-tube and resulted in him sleeping through the night immediately. It was awesome. Sure, we'd gone through a lot of hard times with this kid, but at least he was sleeping through the night! Unfortunately, once he actually had to put a little effort into eating, he tarted acting like a typical baby and waking up all night. Ah well. He eventually learned to sleep well at night again.

A skilled Edward can eat from a bottle and check out his Easter basket at the same time!

Part 2 - Moving Up and Out

The beginning of 2013 marked three years in the same apartment. It wasn't the greatest apartment. It was affordable. It was in a wonderful ward. It's immediate neighborhood was less than stellar, what with virtually everyone else in the building and surrounding homes being regular smokers. It was almost impossible to go outside without passing through a cloud of smoke. It was also old, falling apart, and infested with sugar ants who refused to die (at least, they never stayed dead for more than a day or two), despite trying every method we could find for getting rid of them. All of this had been hard enough with Vance. We had wanted to move much earlier, but were never able to find a better place to move into that still fit in our price range. Now that Edward was here, however, and having trouble breathing, it became more important than ever to get away from the smoke. In the winter, he almost never left the house. Once the weather warmed up, and the end of the school year approached, we took a leap of faith, turned in our 30 day notice, and began to look for a new place to live.

It was discouraging at first. Every time we found a place we thought would work, we'd find evidence that people who smoked lived right on top of it. And it didn't make any sense to move from one smoky situation to another. We had made arrangements to move in with my mom temporarily if we couldn't find a new home before we had to be out of our current one, but that would involve a long work commute for Wazi, not to mention the stress of having to move everything twice, so we hoped to avoid that if possible.

Finally we found what we were looking for. It was a bit more than we had hoped to pay, so money has been much tighter than we're used to, but we love our new home. It is open and bright. It has central air conditioning, which has been a true blessing this summer. It has a dishwasher, which I think is one of the best inventions of all time. It's in a whole neighborhood of similar apartments, with lots of grassy lawn, a playground, and other kids for Vance to play with. He has been in heaven since we moved here, running around with all of the "friends" outside. And while there are people who smoke, they are relatively few in number, and smoking is limited to specific areas. I can open my windows and let fresh air in, and it is wonderful.

Vance giving Edward a hug, and making him giggle.

Not much else to say. I spent most of July sick with the Virus That Would Not Go Away, but other than that, it has been a pleasant summer. We've been very blessed these past few months, and I can't wait to see what the next few have in store.

Handsome boy!

It's Never Too Early

I never planned on being the type of parent who pushed their kids into all sorts of lessons, enrichment activities, and other such programs aimed at giving my children an early advantage in life. I think play is far more important. Vance, apparently, does not agree with my philosophy, and out of a deep concern for his brother's future welfare, took it upon himself to give Edward formal piano lessons today.

At dinner time, he brought the little piano over to where Edward was lying beside the table, and Edward would randomly bump the keys as he wiggled and kicked. "Pyay again, Ederd! Keep pyaying!" (Play again, Edward! Keep playing!) Vance instructed in between bites of his meal. Alas, I didn't get a picture of that one.

I'm lucky to have a boy who takes such good care of his baby brother. And he truly does. Vance especially likes helping feed Edward. Edward isn't too sure about Vance randomly sticking bottles in his mouth, but he doesn't mind Vance holding the syringe for a gavage feed.

Awwwwwww.

Big Boy Bed

Today marked a huge milestone in Vance's life - he transitioned to a big boy bed. He's spent most of his life sleeping in the same bed, first side-carred onto our bed for co sleeping when the three of us no longer fit on our big bed (he inherited his parents' penchant for thrashing and sprawling at night, go figure), then as a stand alone toddler bed when he moved to his own bedroom.

But he's growing taller, and won't fit in it much longer. Even if that weren't the case, we'll be needing that bed for Edward soon, and didn't want Vance to feel like his brother kicked him out of his bed, so we decided it was time for him to take the next step now, while it could be a positive experience.

Once his bed was ordered, we took Vance sheet shopping. At first he enjoyed just running around the bedding section, but once we started narrowing the options and giving him choices, he expressed a clear preference for the blanket and sheets he wanted. "Dees one! Dees one!" We've been talking up his big boy bed for a few days, and today it was delivered! Vance was quite interested in what was going on, though not too sure about the two strange guys setting up the bed in his bedroom. Once they left, though, he helped me put the bedding on, and he proudly showed off his new possession to his grandma and grandpa.

And, of course, we had to get pictures.

Bedtime was a breeze, and he is now happily sleeping in his big boy bed. My little Vance is all grown up!

One Month

Despite my good intentions, blogging just hasn't happened for a while. That's okay, though, because it's taken a back seat to life, and life is more important than a blog any day. That being said, as things start to settle down, I hope to be able to post more often.

So it's been one month to the day since Edward came home. A month from yesterday, we "roomed in" with Edward at the hospital in preparation for taking him home. It was so wonderful to sleep in the same room with him, though I still didn't like that he was clear across the room. Not that the room was huge or anything, but every time he fussed or stirred, I had to go get out of bed to check on him, rather than just being able to reach out and touch him and see if he was alright. But it was the closest to him I'd been able to sleep since he was born. So there was Edward in his deluxe crib setup. Wazi's and my bed was considerably less plush, but it served it's purpose.

Edward did fantastic, though we got little sleep ourselves, so he was cleared to go home the following day. Checking out from the NICU is not a particularly fast process, particularly if your baby is on oxygen support, but around two o'clock, we made it out of the hospital and onto the road. We stopped along the way to give Edward a break from the car seat, recharge his pulse oximeter, and meet Vance who was waiting for us at his aunt and uncle's house. Finally all four of us were together again, and we made the last leg of the journey home as a complete family. It was late when we got home, but it was so, so good to be home with both of my babies at last.

Anyway, how quickly time passes! Though the days were long, it doesn't feel like a month has already gone by. There's been lot's of love, exhaustion, frustration, and joy, as we've tried to settle in our family of four. Edward has had lots of starts and stops with his eating, and still has to take most of his feedings via NG tube, but he is gaining weight like a pro. I can never seem to catch up on my sleep, but thanks to a wonderful husband, mother, and mom-in-law, I'm able to take enough naps to stay healthy and even mostly sane. I never seem to see my husband, as his time is mostly taken up with earning a living and attending school, but every so often we catch some quiet time together and can just BE. Vance is often frustrated at having to split the attention that was once solely his with Edward, but he adores his brother (and it's mutual, Edward loves to look at no one so much as he loves to look at Vance), is very sweet with him, and is quite concerned whenever Edward fusses even a little bit. We try to make up for the extra stress with lots of snuggles and stories, and overall I think we're adjusting well. And on that happy note, here is a picture of my little Valentines.

And another of Vance "nuggling" Edward.

Downs and Ups

So Edward hasn't progressed much in his feeding the last few days. Why? He's been too sleepy. Why? He's having to working harder to breath again. It's so hard to watch his little body shake and his head bob with each breath he takes. It's hard. I desperately want my baby to be happy and healthy, and able to come home soon. The doctor with whom we discussed Edward's progress is gone for a week, so I don't know if this will affect the timeline for his homecoming. I truly hope not, but if it does, well, Heavenly Father knows what He's doing, as hard as it sometimes is to accept. On a happier note, he's grown so much! He's gone from this

to this

to this

to this!

Did I mention he weighs over 10 pounds now?

Life in the NICU is truly a roller coaster.

Joyful Anticipation

Four days into 2013, and I am thrilled. My family has been kept apart, scattered to the four winds, as it were, since last September. At 26 weeks pregnant with my second child, I was put on hospital bed rest in another state because my fluid had ruptured. My husband and son could only visit rarely, and though I did my best to keep the baby in until 34 weeks, at 28 weeks and 4 days, he decided to make his debut.

Since that time, I've been down here with Edward in the NICU, and my husband up at home working and going to school, and Vance has spent most of his time with his grandparents. They visit when they can, but it's been so, so hard.

The new year brings change, though, and Edward is doing better and better each day. The last task he needs to complete to come home is learning to eat independently. He's getting there. Barring an unforeseen complication like an infection, Edward is expected to be home by the end of January at the latest. I am overjoyed! I am so excited to have my family together again!

Though this change is wonderful, I know it is not all that this year will bring. Though I cannot control everything, I am determined to make the changes in my home positive ones. This year, I am committing to making our home life simple, harmonious, and beautiful. It won't happen overnight; I'm not perfect, and I have much to work on. The only person I can change is myself. Still, as the mother goes, so goes the home, so I will do all in my power to give my family the peace they deserve. There are little changes I can make now, such as making sure I get enough sleep by going to bed at a decent hour and focusing on living in the moment, changes that I need not be home to implement. I'll start with those and expand my goals when at last we are home again. Motherhood is what you make of it, and I want to make it the best I can. I love my husband and sons with all my heart, and I cannot wait to live this year with them.